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Mary Boleyn hath taken possesion of my soul
Hark ye all and listen well for I do have much to relay to each and

every one of ye this day.

An event of The MOST incredible and amusing proportions didst take

place today at the Mary Boleyn School of Charms and Graces for Young

Maidens, Washer Women and the Occasional Charity Case where I do be

Majoring in intensive study at the Mary Boleyn College of Being Popular and Shagg?OOPS! I do mean SNAGGING the Great Monarchs of Europe. Didst thou ever happen upon an instance where after a fully uneventful weekend of doing nothing but loafing, ye didst walk into a great hall fully prepared thus for another day's lecture and demonstration in the finer points of seduction and oral gratification and pleasuring only to discover that in its stead, in the dead quiet of said chamber, were everyone engaged in examination!!! Heaven for fend dearhearts, for I were most flummoxed to discover this being the case for my dear self two days ago. ''Examination?'' I didst query to myself. "Pray tell, what fucking examination?" In my minds eye I didst see myself standing in the chamber fully unclothed, which wouldst nay such a bad thing, but it doth fit the scenario quite nicely. Imagine my further flabbergastation whereupon realizing that the examination, (for which I were none prepared and had most absentmindedly forgotten) which didst encompass eye contact, the finer points of witty banter with gentlemen of the privy chamber and advance flirtation techniques were to be of the open scroll variety and My quick thinking leading me to know that I shouldst score acingly on it, and then upon examination of my person, coming to the realization that I didst nay have the scroll about me! I were in a state of near panic as I didst feel the lacings on my corset actually tighten so as to restrict my respiration to the point of my loss of consciousness. But thou dost realize that being who I am I were able to pull myself up by my slipper straps and didst bravely accept the challenge presented to me with nary the bat of an eyelash and were able walk away with an exceptional score of above average. I didst perform THE most graceful act of BS with Finesse ever witnessed in these parts. Mistress Boleyn didst heap praise upon me in front of the class and extol my virtues for everyone to take example from.

In addition to this event of Biblically astounding proportions, I

wouldst also like to add that in addition to mine exceptional

intellectual skills being recognized this day, that mine own dear husband, after my recommendation and at my behest, (due to that most unfortunate incident of his leaving me in his wake to eat his dust in his haste to make it back to the carriage after gazing at the most wondrous fireworks Their Majesties hadst commissioned for their subjects on the anniversary of King Henry V's victory over the French at Agincourt), that he didst himself enroll in the Mary Boleyn School to attend the newest program she hath established for gentlemen and goodly husbands only called: "Thou be Nay a Swine, Why Behaveth as Such." I daresay he shall learn a good deal of what be good, proper and acceptable bavahiour for a husband and learneth full well what

maketh a wife happy.

This do segue to my next topic of rumination. I shouldst like to

point out here that I, being a woman, possess intense womanly urges that

womanly urges nay cease. In sooth, knowing that my spouse hath enrolled

in

such a course of instruction do hath excited me and it maketh mine own

naughty parts tingle and require attention from him. I daresay that at

this particular moment in time the level of my libidinous urges exceeds 11!! If he doth nay come away from his course of instruction without having learned some new techniques, such as what to do with worn out whips, creative uses of mead and ale, and the infamous, and only to be performed by the experts, barn storming technique, I mayest find needs to engage in the self gratification for which I hath become legendary, and WOE UNTO HE who bringeth me to that end, for I do so reach a point that I be most worked up as I, in my enthusiasm and ecstasy, am wont to bruise mine own self in the act, therefore nay allowing me to participate in the traditional method of gratification for all the

soreness I suffer as a result. This maketh for a wet nurse bearing

tattoos on her goodly creamy gothy pale skin nay a happy camper and doth render me into a mood most foul. This meaneth not that my libidinous urges do quell. Au contraire, for they do increase in intensity for lack of method of satisfaction. In sooth, I do be finding myself become a bit warm under the bloomers as I pen this entry and may find it necessary to take matters into mine own hands so to speak in full measure shortly.

Must think on another topic to quell the urge. Aye! The annual

progress! In one month, I shall commence on my long

awaited progress to the New World to visit my dearest, eldest and closest friend, whom I do lovingly refer to as Joustwidow, and rightfully so, as her husband so be an aficionado of the sport of kings and it be a bit of an obsession with him.

And here, rearing its head again be mine urges. Do stop! Cease I say!.....

We shall run amok amongst the natives of the New World, those hot,

sweaty natives who dance to the beat of their drums and.....

Must think of whining children, vomit, boring writers, ways to

Clean the manor...

Sigh, it be over for now. In any event, it shall be a progress of

epic proportions as Joustwidow and I do be of the same ilk and I might

venture to put forth that she be my soulmate. In fact, this day, I shall award her my very own special Gilded Bloomer Award of Merit for being my closest intimate, and good friend for my whole life, for loving me unconditionally, for understanding me and for knowing me. And she is

wont to.

Oh dear, here I go again. That do be it, these bloomers MUST come

Off and I must needs find my husband for my urges do be unsuppressable at this time. I pray he be nay with his gentlemen friends for this do be a moment

where I need it here and now and there be no stopping me.

Anon!